he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
