Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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