He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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