I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
