she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
