It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize