come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
