my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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