is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
