i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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