Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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