Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
