It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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