This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
