you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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