No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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