Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
