So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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