she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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