it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
