You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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