The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
