Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
