When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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