It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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