I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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