Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize