if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
