do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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