I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
