We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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