i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
