She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
