yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
