If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
