"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hippo gnu deer
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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