I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
