I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
