no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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