He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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