I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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