I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
In America we eat man semen.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
