wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
