I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
