she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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