im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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