I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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