I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize