okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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