his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize