Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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