If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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