Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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