I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
