I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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