dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just gift wrapped bread.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
