I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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