I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
