i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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