Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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