You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
