her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
