im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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