I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she peed on how many people?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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