did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
