o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well you can't waste a boner
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
