It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
