Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
