No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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