Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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