Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
