Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
