when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
