i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
