His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
