If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
