why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
