he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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