i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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