just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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