I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
