Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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