my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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