I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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