If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
BRING THE BAGELS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize