You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
