Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
