he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
