tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
