I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
