I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
