sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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