I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Send help, water and tortillas.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
