Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
