I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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