i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
