Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
