Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
