so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
