I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize