im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
