I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
