Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
