Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
