He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
