I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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