new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
